April 23-24

April 23-24, 2018

Those dates may not mean much to some of you who don’t live in and around Toronto but they were quite significant to the rest of us. For me personally I experienced the darkest aspects of police chaplaincy and yet aspects that define my role as a chaplain. Quite often my services are required when the life of another human being is being overwhelmed. Those days and actually that week, were one of those times.

I have chosen to write about this without revealing any names because as a chaplain confidentiality is vital if you want to be trusted. Yet there is something in this story that touched me and highlights events that often cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in first responders. They also can’t help but touch those who help the first responders because we hear some gruesome details related with the job.

On the afternoon of April 23^rd it was a bright sunny day that had hundreds of people out for a walk during the early afternoon on Canada’s most well known street: Yonge Street. We had been experiencing miserable weather for some time so on this day everyone wanted to get out and enjoy the warmer temperatures. Unfortunately there was also a man who decided that this day he would try and kill as many people as possible by running them over with his van. He succeeded by killing 10 and injuring 16 others.

My story centers on the cops that responded to this carnage because the following day I would sit with them 3 different times during their initial debriefs. It had not been scheduled for me to participate but I decided to take the day off of work as a long term care chaplain and make myself available to my division in the west end of downtown Toronto. The request to do so had come from HQ and basically asked us to be available to our individual divisions and then perhaps the two divisions that were involved on April 23^rd. Our Inspector thanked me for attending the station but indicated no need for my help with our men and women because they were far removed from the crime scene the day before.

I then mentioned the possibility of assisting at the affected divisions in the north part of the city if there was a need. We contacted the Unit Commander and he immediately requested I head up to one of the divisions that had been overlooked. I drove up and introduced myself but the UC was not present and had not told anyone I was attending. After some phone calls I was approached by a Sergeant and escorted upstairs to the UC’s private office. I was invited to make myself at home behind his desk and proceeded to have a discussion with his executive assistant about the previous day. I was informed that I would be involved in two debriefs with officers that were first on the scene of the previous day’s rampage.

I certainly wasn’t expecting this because Toronto Police Chaplains had never been invited to participate in these kind of debriefs. I did have the training for this but the CIRT Team (Critical Incident Response Team) had their own trained men and women equipped to do this. This however was unlike anything a Toronto cop had ever witnessed and responded to so in many ways it was something very new. I sat and waited for about an hour and then the first debrief with 3 cops took place. The facilitator introduced himself as a cop and clearly stated that everything said would be confidential and no names would be used. I was introduced as a TPS chaplain. Shortly after that a group of 9 cops came in and we debriefed them in a separate session. The third debrief took place at the other division which was a block from the crime scene and that was with just one cop.

The first thing that was made very clear to the facilitator and myself was that the crime scene resembled a war zone and not an accident scene. We heard one of the officers who was first to arrive at the initial crime scene tell us that it had been called in as a possible hit and run up by Finch and Yonge. When he got there he started to see other scout cars racing to scenes just south of him. Soon ambulances started racing by him as he secured his accident scene.

As we listened to the initial 3 cops it was clear that they were still shaken by what they saw. One had arrived to find a young lady laying on the sidewalk with no sternum and barely breathing. As he held her she said her name, which I won’t repeat, and breathed her last breath. At that very moment the young lady’s cell phone which was laying next to her rang: it was her mother phoning. The officer did not answer the phone.

All 3 officers were angry for reasons I can’t discuss and also upset because they could do very little for the victims. The session lasted about 30 minutes.

The next group of 9 got off to a quiet start but then as each cop began to share their experience, the anger and stress of the past 24 hours began to show. Once again I can’t discuss the reasons for the anger but HQ did an excellent job debriefing those of us who debriefed the cops. Notes were taken and hopefully if there ever is a situation similar to the van attack, things will be handled a bit differently. One point that the facilitators and I (there were two for the second debrief) repeated to these men and women was that they all did a tremendous job in very difficult situations.

Several of these cops ended up standing guard by the deceased victims, covered with tarps, because they were first on the scene. Some did so until close to midnight and yes we were debriefing them the next day. We heard many gruesome details but also saw what these things do to people we often call heroes. It was difficult to hear let alone live through. The one officer that actually concerned me most was the one who sat quietly and said nothing except that he was OK. All the others were furious and shed more than a few tears. Many feared for the affect it would have on a particular seasoned dispatcher because she heard everything and could do nothing to help.

Once again, the details often centered on how everything was handled and it would become a learning experience for management. Emotions were at breaking points for many as they spoke and that was a good thing. It was clearly stated that they could express all their feelings at these debriefs and nothing would come back to bite them.

The third debrief was a bit of an adventure at the other division with a supposed expert CIRT member. He could have done a much better job and I will leave it at that. Travelling there was a challenge as the crime scene meant cars were being forced to go either well south or well north before crossing Yonge Street. I even talked to one cop who was sitting in his car on Yonge Street as the street cleaners finished washing off the blood from the previous day.

I drove home and tried to comprehend all I had heard but it wasn’t easy. Two days later I received a phone call from my boss at Police HQ. She asked me to phone a Toronto cop who had been off with PTSD for several months but the van attack had rekindled some memories from his days as a traffic cop. He had not listened to the news that Monday morning and had a scheduled appointment with his psychologist. His psychologist was located at the southern end of the van attack so when he exited the subway, the first thing he saw was a dead body under an orange tarp. You get the picture I am sure.

I do not know how any of these cops are doing today because I do not have access to them like the TPS psychologists do. They are also not in my division. I hope they got help if they needed it and I can’t imagine they didn’t need it: especially the one who said he was OK.

Volunteering with Badge of Life Canada this past year has allowed me to have relationships with other cops who struggle with PTSD. I have learned a lot about this mental health issue but I still believe that the spiritual side of this injury is overlooked by so many. The 150 cop suicides (and counting) this year in the US should tell us that more needs to be done to identify and help these officers who see no hope. We all need to work together to see that happen.